Relationships, whether that’s dating, engagements, or marriages, can all bring challenges. They can also be incredible in so many ways. No one is perfect though, and sometimes our partner’s can be frustrating, hurtful, and make us mad. When you are upset or feeling mad at your partner, there’s lots of ways to handle this. Some are going to help address problems and feel respectful to both parties, and some are going to be unhealthy and create more tension and conflict. So, what do you do if your partner is upsetting you and making you angry?
If your partner is angering or upsetting you, it’s important to handle this in an appropriate way. Someone hurting your feelings does not give you a free pass to hurt theirs in return. Conflict resolution (if that’s your goal) is only achieved with respect, honesty, and a willingness to work on things.
Healthy ways to handle conflict could look like:
- Telling someone in an assertive way how you are feeling
- Being open and receptive to feedback your partner shares
- Not bottling things up
- Being open and communicating when things upset you or bother you
- Taking time to reflect and process how you’re feeling
- Not responding with yelling, name calling, or physical aggression
- Acknowledging you have done/said things that hurt the other person
- Being willing to compromise
- Admitting when you’re wrong or have made a mistake
- Saying “I’m sorry”
- Walking away and giving yourself a “time out” to de-escalate
- Being willing to work towards a solution
Unhealthy ways to handle conflict may look like:
- Yelling, name calling, belittling, or using aggressive behavior
- Minimizing the other person’s thoughts and feelings
- Downplaying hurt you have caused
- Being passive and pretending things don’t bother you when they do
- Passive-aggressive behavior or comments
- Gaslighting
- Talking down to others
- Being unwilling to accept responsibility for things you’ve said or done that have caused hurt
- Lack of willingness to compromise
- Being stuck in your ways and unwilling to change or show up differently
- Avoiding conflict or confrontation
- Blaming others for your behaviors or actions
If you are wanting conflict resolution, you’re wanting to feel seen and heard by your partner, or you just don’t want to continue being mad at them, it’s important to use more healthy ways described above and steer clear of unhealthy and unhelpful coping strategies.
If you are struggling with emotional regulation, navigating conflict, feeling unseen or unheard by your partner, and/or feel unsure how to address big issues in your relationship, you are not alone. At Psychotherapy for Women, I have helped many women like yourself address conflict in their lives and gain support navigating relationship strain and problems. If you are struggling, feel stuck, or are unhappy with the way your partner is making you feel, please reach out to me. Let’s talk about how we can work together to help you address these issues, feel less alone, and get to a place where you feel happier.
