There are struggles of being a working mom that others simply cannot understand. While silent and sometimes invisible to others from the outside looking in, internally the struggle can be loud and overwhelming. For working moms, there is commonly a feeling of push and pull. An internal battle of wanting and needing to be in more than one place at a time. While some days can feel more manageable than others, overwhelming many working moms report that this battle feels constant and never ending.
Common struggles among working moms look like:
- Often feeling guilty for not being with your child/children because you have to work
- Feeling torn in the decision to return to work, stay home, or work part time
- Struggling to manage the demands of you job
- Feeling distracted at work because of home life and distracted at home because of work life
- Loving your job and simultaneously feeling bad about that
- Feeling unhappy or sad at work
- Feeling anxious about “getting it all done” and trying to “squeeze it all in”
- Feeling worried about not being able to be at every function, practice, or playdate because of work obligations
- Questioning and wondering if you’re making the “right” choice
- Comparing yourself to other moms who don’t work and feeling bad about yourself
There is significant strain that comes from the sacrifice mothers make when returning to work. This can feel heavy and at times hard to manage. If you are a mother currently working to help support yourself and your family, I see you. I see how hard you’re working and how challenging it is. As a working mother myself, I am walking this road with you and know that it is possible for things to feel lighter.
To combat the struggle and challenges that come from being a working mom, try these:
- Give yourself grace. Working as a mother is hard. It is a sacrifice and often a necessary one for the family to be able to afford the life they live. You are doing the best you can and it’s important to be kind and compassionate with yourself.
- Reframe your unhelpful thoughts. Instead of telling yourself things like, “I’m a bad mom for not staying home with my child/ren” or “I’m not doing enough”, try to challenge and reframe those thoughts. Instead, focus on telling yourself things that are actually true, such as, “I’m doing the best I can”, or “I’m doing this to help take care of my family”.
- Set realistic expectations. Sometimes we can be unrealistic with ourselves and what we actually have time to do and accomplish. This creates feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, sadness, and feelings of failure. Set realistic obtainable expectations. If it’s not realistic for you to work all day, commute, make it to soccer practice on time, AND somehow find time to be home and cook a full course meal, then don’t put that pressure on yourself.
- Be present when you are with your child/ren. If you are struggling with feeling guilt when you’re not around your child/ren because you’re working, it can be helpful to combat that guilt by focusing on QUALITY over QUANTITY. The amount of quality time with your child/ren is in my opinion more important than just being there with them all of the time. You can be with your child but if you are lacking patience, unhappy, distracted, or anxious, it reduces the quality of time spent.
- Stop comparing yourself to other moms. While I know this is hard not to do, comparisons often make us feel worse, not better. It’s so easy to see what other moms you know in real life or follow on social media are doing and start comparing their day to yours. Don’t do this. What another mom is doing is great for her. That doesn’t mean that’s what YOU need or want to do though. Focus on what you are doing and how you are supporting yourself and your family.
Being a working mom is not an easy road. Yet, it is often essential to allow us to take care of our child/ren. You are doing amazing things for your family and making significant sacrifices. If all of this feels really heavy, you’re struggling with deep feelings of guilt, or just need to talk to another working mom who gets it, reach out today to learn how through therapy I help moms feel happier and more fulfilled in life and in motherhood.