If you’re reading this, it’s likely you struggle to say “no” and find the whole situation extremely difficult. Have you ever stopped and reflected on why it’s hard to say “no” to others? Or, have you ever found yourself saying “no” to something or someone, only to feel bad about it afterwards? If either of these are true for you, it may be helpful to learn more about why this keeps happening and how to cope with the guilt you’re experiencing.
Let’s think about and identify what makes it hard for you to say “no” when you really want to. Some common reasons that saying “no” may be hard for you are:
- You’re trying to keep the peace or please others
- You fear conflict or confrontation
- You are not seeing your wants/needs/feelings as a priority
- You are invalidating yourself
- You are in an unhealthy relationship where your boundaries are not being respected
- You have not set healthy boundaries with another person
- You were not taught that saying “no” is okay or safe to do so as a child
- You are anxious
- You’re unsure how to communicate your needs
- You put others before yourself
- You feel guilt afterwards
While saying “no” can be hard, it’s possible to learn how to become more comfortable with speaking up for yourself and saying “no” when needed or wanted. It’s also important to understand that regardless of WHY you want to say “no”, you truly do not need a reason. If you want to say “no”, that is reason enough to speak up and say it aloud.
Now let’s talk about guilt a bit more. Guilt shows up in life to say “hey, you did something you should feel bad about”. While that can be an important and meaningful message at times to receive, guilt can also show up when you THINK you should feel bad about something, even if you haven’t done anything “wrong” per say. Feelings are just that, feelings. They are not facts. Therefore, just because you FEEL guilty for saying “no” does not mean you NEED to feel that emotion.
Regardless of the reason or reasons you are finding it challenging to say “no”, things can get better. Are you struggling to overcome these barriers and need more support? Reach out today to learn how Psychotherapy for Women can help you better manage communication, reduce unwanted feelings of guilt, and start saying “yes” to yourself.
