Let’s talk about fighting with your partner. Think about the following questions and how you might answer them.
- Are you finding yourself struggling to get along, navigate conflict, or communicate with your partner or spouse?
- Do you feel exhausted or worried when you think about fighting with your significant other?
- Do you often feel unheard or upset at your partner?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s important to understand how to navigate these disagreements. While conflict can be present in any relationship, conflict within intimate relationships can feel particularly hard to navigate. And let’s face it, there are no limits to what you may find yourself fighting about, as life and relationships can be at times challenging, stressful, and overwhelming.
It’s also completely normal to not agree with everything your partner says or does. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you share the same thoughts, interests, goals, and ideas. Having your own thoughts, feelings, and interests separate of your partner is actually healthy.
Fighting can mean different things to each person, but generally speaking, fighting looks like disagreements, from small squabbles to large blow outs and everything in between. Never having fights or conflict within relationships isn’t the goal, but fighting fair is. There are many reasons you may find yourself fighting with your partner, and regardless of the reason(s), it’s essential that you are fighting fair.
Reflect for a moment on what you do when you’re upset. How do you show or express emotions and stress? Do you immediately tell your partner what’s on your mind or do you try to ignore it and keep moving forward? Is it easy to communicate what is upsetting you or is that challenging?
You and your partner each have your own ways of communicating when you are upset, angry, hurt, worried, or frustrated. The way you communicate, if ineffective or not assertive, can actually create more conflict. It’s important to communicate effectively and openly to your partner in the moment, because let’s face it, they can’t read your mind. This is important if you want to fight fair.
Not fighting fair can look like not verbalizing how you’re feeling in the moment to your partner. It can also look like expecting your partner to know you’re upset without telling them you’re upset or hurt. This is often done in an effort to “keep the peace”, not cause what you may perceive in the moment as conflict, or for various other reasons. If you don’t tell your partner what you’re feeling in the moment though, they are at a disadvantage moving forward. Not telling your significant other what you need or how you feel means that you are not giving them the opportunity to acknowledge or apologize for their behaviors or make changes. This is not fighting fair.
Even if it feels hard in the moment, it is always important to fight fair if you want a chance as validation and understanding from your partner or spouse. It’s also essential if you seek some sort of changed behavior or resolution to your conflict. So the question remains, do you feel you fight fair?
If you are struggling with communication, verbalizing your needs, navigating conflict or hard topics, or fighting fair, reach out today to learn how I can help.
