Boundaries are an important part of maintaining healthy relationships. Setting boundaries as a new mom is essential to getting the support you need and having a better postpartum period. If you are thinking about setting boundaries for yourself as you bring new life into this world, the following tips may be helpful for you.
Postpartum is already a time of huge transitions, sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, identity shifts, and naturally increased worry. While these things are most often temporary, having boundaries in place prior to and during postpartum times can be monumental in easing stressors related to this time of transition.
Let’s take it step by step to help you know where to even begin. When it comes to setting boundaries, it’s important to first identify and name what you need. Your boundaries come from your needs. Think about yourself and what you need in order to feel supported, better understood, and cared for. Perhaps that looks something like:
- “I need time for myself without baby to take care of basic self-care (showering, taking a nap, going on a walk, etc.)”
- “I need to wait on having visitors for the first week while I focus on feeding and get more comfortable with new responsibilities.”
- “I really do not need or want to hear opinions on things like feeding, sleeping, and vaccines from others.”
- “I need to feel supported and not alone and want people to check in with me regularly about how I’m doing and if I need anything.”
Once you name those needs, practice identifying how you might communicate that to others. Think about words you would use to be assertive and meaningful in your communication. Be as clear and specific about your feelings and needs as possible so there is a less likely chance of miscommunication or misinterpretation of what you’re asking for. Remember, people do not know what you need unless you tell them. While it would be great if people could just read your mind and know what you need, if you wait on this to happen, you’re most likely going to feel disappointed. Once you have a clear idea of what your needs are and you’ve thought out what to say to express those to others, you’re ready to set boundaries.
It’s important to also remember to be assertive and firm when communicating your boundaries with others. Sometimes there may be questions or pushback from others about the boundaries you’re setting. This does not mean there’s something wrong with your boundaries, but more than likely there’s a difference in boundaries and or opinions between you and that other person. Sometimes this resistance to your boundaries can also mean your boundaries are being disrespected by others. Staying firm and assertive in how you communicate is essential to maintaining your boundaries and the relationships you have.
If you need help identifying and communicating boundaries and/or working through issues of others not respecting your boundaries, reach out to learn how Psychotherapy for Women has helped dozens and dozens of women set healthy boundaries and improve their postpartum experience.
