Have you found yourself wanting your partner to go to individual or couple therapy but they are reluctant? Are you wondering what you can do if your partner adamantly refuses to get support for or address things causing issues in your relationship? If so, you are not alone.
Let me first start by saying that it is a natural and GOOD thing to want more/better for your partner and or your relationship with them. This often comes from a place of compassion and desire for change or growth. However, what happens when your partner is against the idea of therapy or doesn’t feel they have anything to work on or out? Where does that leave you as the other person in the relationship?
Often times, I see this creating a significant stress in the partner, aka YOU, that is worried for, upset with, or needing more from the other person in your relationship. While we can’t FORCE someone to do anything that they don’t want to do, it does beg the question: then what does that mean for you?
If you’re wanting your partner to get support, but they are refusing, here are some things YOU can do:
- Seek therapy for yourself. It can be emotionally taxing on you as the other person in the relationship, and unfortunately sometimes friends and family can be tired of hearing about it. Getting into your own therapy or counseling to have a safe space to explore, process, and work through your relationship stress can be imperative for your own health and healing. While your partner might be unwilling to get support, that doesn’t mean you too should be without.
- Set firm boundaries. It’s important for all relationships to have healthy and regularly communicated boundaries. If you are feeling stress in your relationship, it may be helpful to look at your current boundaries and begin being more communicative about what your feelings and needs are and how you want to be treated. This can help the other person better understand how they are showing up for you and how to better support you.
- Focus on what you can control. It’s important to accept that you are not responsible for or in control of anyone’s behavior. Learning to let your partner make their own decisions and feel their own consequences is important. Trying to control what you cannot control can often be significantly stressful and more work than reward for yourself.
- Start attending Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or CoDA support groups. If your partner or significant other is struggling with substance abuse, you may benefit from seeking support through free support groups for family and loved ones of someone struggling with addiction. This can be a great way to learn how to best support yourself during this time. To learn more, you can visit:
Loved ones of those struggling with alcohol use: https://al-anon.org/
Loved ones of those struggling with narcotic use: https://www.nar-anon.org/
Those struggling with codependency: https://coda.org/
While being in a relationship with someone unwilling or unable to address issues can be stressful and emotionally exhausting, it doesn’t mean you yourself have to stay feeling stuck. At Psychotherapy for Women, I have helped many women learn how to cope with and address issues in their relationships and marriages. If you are struggling because your partner is unwilling to seek support, whether individually or as a couple, it could be helpful for you to start doing your own work for your health and healing. Reach out today to learn how to get started in therapy.
