Are you someone who finds it hard to not worry about what other people think? Maybe it’s worrying about what they think about you or perhaps it’s worrying about how they will feel if you do or say something. Either way, worrying about what others think can be overwhelming and exhausting. Thankfully, you do not have to worry so much about what other people think.
As humans, it’s natural to care to some extent what other people think and also to desire others to like you. That said, if you feel preoccupied with how others feel and think, you may be unintentionally showing up differently in your relationships and causing stress for yourself. You may also be placing other people’s wants, feelings, and needs before your own, causing your own needs to not be met.
Constantly feeling worried, anxious, or on edge is unhealthy. If you are someone who spends a lot of your time thinking about or even worried about what other people think and feel, it’s likely you may also be anxious. It’s important to understand where this worry comes from and how to cope with these feelings.
Ask yourself this question, “Why do I worry so much about what others think?”. Reflect on this answer for yourself to better understand what causes this to be such a struggle for you.
Some common answers to this question are:
- Wanting to be liked
- Feeling the need to please others
- Acting as a peacekeeper in relationships
- Fear of abandonment or the relationship ending
- Not being sure about your own wants and needs
- Fear of conflict
- Minimal coping tools to help with anxious thoughts and worry
- Feeling unsafe to say how you feel
- It’s an attempt to control other’s responses to avoid a negative outcome
Poor boundaries
If you are struggling with excessive worry and intrusive thoughts about what others may think, it’s important to understand that you are not in control of others’ reactions or responses. It is not your responsibility or your job to keep people happy. Trying to control this when it is and will always be outside of your control is more stressful in the long-run. Instead, I encourage you to try the following:
- Communicate assertively and openly with people, regardless of what you think their reaction may be
- Do not shy away from potential disagreements or conflict
- Practice identifying and verbalizing your needs before a conversation
- Do not overthink your response, as this gives you a chance to change and downplay how you feel
- Set and maintain healthy boundaries in all relationships
- Use healthy coping strategies to manage feelings of anxiousness and worry
- Focus on what is within your control (your feelings, your words, and your actions)
- Do not take responsibility for things that are not within your control
- Reduce people-pleasing behaviors
Get more comfortable with saying “No”
If you are struggling with how to stop feeling as worried about what others think, you may also benefit from support to help you address barriers that are keeping you stuck and unable to apply the above-mentioned strategies. If that is the case, reach out to me today to learn how I can help! Feeling less worried is possible.
