If you are currently co-parenting and finding it hard to manage the challenges that come with it, you are not alone. So many women struggle with co-parenting for a variety of reasons. It can be anxiety producing and down-right frustrating to try and navigate the complexities that come with raising children across two households.
Some of the most common reasons I see co-parenting due to separation or divorce being a struggle are:
- Differences in values
- Inability to communicate effectively
- Unresolved anger/hurt
- Unrealistic expectations
- Unclear wants/needs
- Attempts to try to control what happens outside your home
Most women report a combination of the above reasons that they are finding it challenging to navigate co-parenting. If you find yourself struggling, it’s important to focus on what you actually have control over, aka: what happens in your home. This is where your energy is most productive. These are things like, what you say to your child/ren, how you parent, what you show/teach them is important, the values you instill in them, the traditions you set, and how present and intentional you are when you are spending time with them.
Now let’s talk about the really hard part: what you can’t change or control. I know it can be hard to let go of control, but the reality is you cannot control another person. You cannot control what your child’s other parent does or does not do, you cannot control what happens when you’re not around, and you cannot control what the other parent tells your child/ren. Trying to control these things often leads to increased anxiety and frustration for you, potential conflict with the co-parent, and you being no closer to your goal.
Here are things you can do to begin letting go of control:
- Focus on improving your communication with your co-parent and trying to collectively come up with ways to maintain consistency across both households (if possible).
- Stop trying to get the other parent to agree with you or do things the exact way you do. There are often multiple routes to get to the same destination. If your ex is still getting the same result as you would but going about it a different way, let them.
- Don’t expect your ex-partner or spouse to fail. Begin to shift your thinking and choose to believe (when possible) that they can figure this out too and everyone will be fine.
- Focus on what you say and do with your child/ren. If you want them to find certain things of value or importance, use your time with them to instill that in them and let them learn from you.
- Seek therapy for more support in learning how to address conflict, heal from anger or hurt, and let go of control.
Still feeling unsure how to let go of control? I know this is not a quick fix and things can feel really challenging when it comes to navigating the complexities of co-parenting. I also understand that every situation is unique. If you are unsure how to move forward in your co-parenting journey but want things to feel or be better, help is available. Reach out today for a free telephone consultation call and let’s talk about how I can help you.
