Are you struggling to not feel angry at certain people or at certain points in your day? If so, you’re not alone. Anger is a very common and natural emotion to feel. There are several problems that can arise with anger though, making it difficult to cope with, work through, and release.
Anger is a normal emotion that everyone feels from time to time. Ideally, when feeling angry, the hope is to feel relief or that the emotion subsides quickly once the source of the anger has been identified and dealt with. Some people report feeling angry often, or more than they can manage, which can cause disruptions in emotional regulation, relationships, communication, and the use of healthy coping tools.
Anger, while sometimes uncomfortable, can be an easy or frequent emotion to feel. Most people can easily relate to being angry. It’s often sometimes easier to show anger than other emotions at play, such as jealousy, hurt, sadness, and worry, to name a few. When coping with anger, it’s important to understand that it is a SECONDARY emotion. It happens second to or in response of a PRIMARY emotion. Primary emotions are important to acknowledge in order to cope with anger and stop feeling so mad or angry.
Imagine an iceberg. The tip, or small part sticking out of the water that you can actually see, is secondary to all that is happening underneath the surface. It’s what’s underneath the surface of the water that is actually much bigger and more important to address. Now think of an iceberg as the tip being anger and all that you can’t see underneath the surface (which does more damage if you hit it) as the primary emotions underneath of that anger needing to be identified and addressed. If you can learn how to identify and cope with those primary emotions, anger becomes easier to navigate and often shows up less frequently over time.
To stop feeling angry, it’s important to do these 7 things:
- Identify when you’re feeling angry
- Understand that anger is a natural emotion and is okay to feel
- Do not minimize, avoid, or try to suppress feelings of anger, as these are unhealthy coping mechanisms that can actually make anger GROW
- Stop, reflect, and identify what PRIMARY emotions underneath that anger are occurring (jealousy, hurt, worry, sadness, etc.)
- Acknowledge and address the underlying emotions and stressors causing anger to present itself
- Use healthy coping tools to manage emotions as they arise to reduce the potential for emotions to build up and grow underneath the surface (picture that iceberg)
- Seek supportive counseling or mental health therapy to address anger if symptoms persist or become unmanageable
It is possible to stop feeling so angry, learn how to better support your emotions, and overall feel happier. If you are struggling with anger and need support, reach out today to learn how Psychotherapy for Women can help.
